On November 17, 2025, I reached the final—and perhaps most enlightened—stop in my “Experiment in Authority”: Discordianism. Dedicated to Eris, the Greek Goddess of Chaos, Discordianism is less of a religion and more of a “non-prophet irreligious disorganisation.”
The beauty of the Discordian papacy is that it is universal, unconditional, and entirely retroactive. According to the Principia Discordia (the religion’s sacred text), every man, woman, and child on Earth is a genuine and authorized Pope. You don’t need a judge’s permission or a seminary degree; your mere existence confers the right to pontificate, declare holidays, and excommunicate everyone else you meet.
Restoring My Rank
While my newly generated certificate officially recognizes me as “Pope Xenodimensional Yggdrasil the Definitely Maybe,” the metaphysics suggest I’ve been holding this rank since day one. The paperwork simply took a few decades to catch up.
Discordianism sits in that delightful space between satire and spiritual anarchy. It is built on the “Law of Fives” and the pursuit of Slack, reminding us that most of the structures we treat as “Sacred Order” are actually just human inventions designed to keep us from noticing the “Pure Chaos” underneath.
The Ultimate Bureaucratic Joke
In many ways, this is the perfect conclusion to my journey through the Virginia legal system. I’ve been asking the state to recognize my authority based on various certificates and traditions. Discordianism flips the script: If institutions can invent authority, then so can you. It is the most “legitimate” ordination I own because it requires no physical church, no application fee, and no outside validation. It is the only faith that specifically prohibits you from believing what you read—including its own documents.
In a lineup that has included everything from sacred dogs to pasta-based deities, being a Discordian Pope is the ultimate reminder that while the Commonwealth of Virginia may not be convinced by my paperwork, I have always been the highest authority in my own life. The experiment ends not with a judge’s signature, but with the realization that the cosmic joke is on them.
(Certificate: Proof that I’ve been a Pope my entire life—I just finally remembered to print the receipt.)
This article reflects personal research, firsthand experience, and publicly available materials. It is not legal advice. I am not an attorney, and any discussion of statutes, court decisions, or legal procedures is for informational purposes only and represents my personal interpretation. Anyone seeking legal advice or interpretation of Virginia law (or any law) should consult a licensed attorney or the appropriate court.
